Those Advice given by A Dad That Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the truth rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You require assistance. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to talk among men, who still internalise harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a respite - spending a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."